I liked how it looked, the slow cascading tear on his face. Now I knew what all the weirdly sadistic tunes meant whenever they said ‘I love to make her cry’, only it wasn’t me. Lovely and seemingly lady like me with layers and layers of weird untapped reactions to emotional situations. It took everything I had in me not to burst out into laughter as he began to sniffle in a way that struck me as slightly pathetic. ‘Be nice, Be good, Be compassionate’ I kept chanting in my head. He was half passed out on the floor, I knew they all expected me to peel him off it.
I wasn’t particularly in the mood to deal with his ‘chic’ drama. Oops….did I sound b***y again. I didn’t mean to, I grew up with brothers old enough to be my fathers. Men who would stand side by side at a funeral hard faced, not a single sniffle. Their father stood beside them strong and patriarchal with an air of authority. A man of few words but with one look we all knew that we needed to buck up and be strong. Tears were a sign of weakness and a source of ridicule.
Oh I knew my lack of emotion in this situation would come back to haunt me the day I finally fell in love. Karma has always been a patient b***h. On that note, I tried. Not for him but for the future me who I hoped wouldn’t suffer as much as the man plastered to the floor because he thought he loved me. Drenched in bottles of brandy and obligation he called me out and tried to guilt me. He knew I was slipping away from him and I sincerely had.
Unfortunately the only thing on my mind was my best friend in the car outside. We were meant to go clubbing. I was going to be free again. I couldn’t remember the last time I went out without his controlling self hovering and judging me, basically not letting me be me. This chap had put me in chains ever since the first day I let him into my life and it was time to break free. However, the process of doing so was taking a tad bit too long for my liking. Why was I like this, hard outer cover that was hardly ever broken into.Little did I know I would hurt sooner than I thought then regress into an emptier state. But I considered my ability to do so as the essence of my strength. I tried to calm him down till he passed out…lugging him round the room like an incapacitated toddler.
When the drunk was snug, I smiled to myself and went out to club. You tell me. Would you consider that strength or weakness? Justified or unjustifiable? Or what do you think?